five things

Five terrible fake Dickens characters
1. Henrietta Troubleknickers
2. Jackson Splotch
3. Prof. Wiggenstodgy
4. Pennyfarthing Mushroomwater
5. Felch Cracksbottom

Five bands I don’t think I’m enjoying as much as I’m supposed to
1. Radiohead
2. PJ Harvey
3. Sleater Kinney
4. Liz Phair
5. Scissor Sisters

Five terrible names for local retail stores
1. Pricey McMarkup’s House of Suspicious Deals
2. Hot Fence Electronics Village
3. Kostly Kornerz
4. Chez Ripoffski: A Retailerié
5. Misleadington’s Big Box

www.5ives.com

Updated:

1. The stupider your ringtone, the longer it will take you to answer your phone.
2. The twin miracles of childbirth and pet ownership render you unable to share one photo of anything.
3. If your vanity license plate makes any reference to the make of your vehicle, the people you work with despise you.
4. Ph.D.s who ask to be called “Doctor” should be prepared to refer to every college graduate as “Bachelor.”
5. If you own more than one Enya record you might as well buy all of them and make a little fort.